thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
Can you confirm that Victor fucked a girl for Jack in the Box tacos?
I cannot, but I know he fucked a girl for a Nerf hoop and a "Kingpin" dvd.
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
Randomize
