Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
Randomize
