Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
Randomize
