every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
Randomize
