it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
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