I wannas sexs uuuuu
Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
Randomize
