The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
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