I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
my mouth tastes like poor choices
You look like a girl that would like strip clubs
Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
Randomize
