i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
Randomize
