shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
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