I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
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