Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
I don't even want to think what you did to boys being that drunk and horny.
Then I wouldn't suggest looking at the pictures from last night.
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
I told her to to let go of her rationtal thoughts and just enjoy the fact that i was going down on her till she passed out from sheer orgasmic pleasure.
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
Randomize
