Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
Randomize
