Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
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