Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
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