My room smells like vodka and shame
Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
I know you're having some issues right now but can we focus on the gangbang?
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
Do u believe in the possibility of big foot?
You high??
Randomize
