dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
It's official. I'm gonna fuck hot art class guy. But this won't be like hot Samsung guy. I'm gonna make sure I follow through this time.
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
Randomize
