woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
Nope, didn't see her. We left when you told us you were going to make the " big beef burrito supreme" even more supreme and you took your dick out.
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
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