girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
Randomize
