I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
Whoa Z and x make the same sound
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
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