i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
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