Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
Randomize
