ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
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