why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
Randomize
