his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
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