just do him I won't tell jon
um i'm guessing you meant to send this to tina, thanks for the support in our relationship you whore
Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
I think we should start referring to bisexuals as "strays"
Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
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