My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
learning about efficiency and effectiveness in an administration seminar. real world application: walking across the street to the pub on break to shotgun a beer.
Randomize
