oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
Randomize
