In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
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