not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
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