I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
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