i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
Randomize
