i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
Let's get the cat blown out
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
Randomize
