I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
My butt remains clenched, sir.
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
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