I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
Randomize
