I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
Randomize
