thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
Randomize
