I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
No more going to class sober.. Tried it for a day or two, its just not for me
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
I need to sanitize my soul.
Randomize
