why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
Randomize
