When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
Randomize
