How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
Come on in and take your pants off
Randomize
