Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
Do you know of any times in scooby doo when the monster turned out to be a real monster? You know not just a person?
Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
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