I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
Randomize
