Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
Randomize
