I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
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