he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
Randomize
