Umm I'm too high to move.
and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
Randomize
