Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
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