i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
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