I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
Randomize
