I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
You've changed since you got that strap on
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
Randomize
